Experts, experts everywhere

Yesterday on our afternoon walk, Sallie was having a bit of trouble walking straight and she was getting her leash all tangled up in my legs, so since we were only a block and a half away from home, I unsnapped it and kept walking. A few minutes later, I hear this woman yelling at me from half a block away,

“Excuse me, is that your dog??!!???”

I turned around to see a letter carrier from the US Post Office flailing her arms and yelling at me, “You gonna put him on a leash??”

What??!! We’re half a block away and we’re not bothering you. Really? Is it part of your job to enforce the leash laws in Englewood? Do you think the USPS uniform gives you the authority to yell at me? No wonder the US Post Office has problems getting the mail to the right mailbox; it employs police officer wannabes who are more interested in enforcing leash laws.

I turned back around and kept walking. So did Sallie and Charlie. I suspect that if I did not have Charlie with us, that crazy woman would have driven up and further tried to engage me on the leash laws. In hindsight, I’m not sure it was a good idea to piss this woman off.

Here is what I discovered that almost every other dog owner probably knows:

1. Everyone is an expert on leash laws and will go out of their way to tell you to abide by them.
2. Everyone is an expert on breed tendencies and will go out of their way to tell you what breeds your mutt is mixed with.
3. Everyone is a dog behavior expert. They all know how to make a dog heel, walk on a lead, do tricks, whatever. They’ve all seen Cesar Millan.

I don’t want to hear your opinion on anything about my dog unless you are willing to walk them three times a day, rain, snow, sleet, hail or fog, pick up their mounds of crap, pay for their food and vet bills and deal with their tiny bladders at 3:00am. I don’t want you talking to me when I’m on a walk because to my dogs, that is their job and they take it seriously. Believe me, the block can go without mail for a day, but not without a canine patrol.

I don’t care about what you think you know about dog training or behavior.

I want you to shut up and deliver the mail. Yelling at people walking their dogs half a block away and trying to enforce leash laws is not part of the “other duties as assigned” in your job description.

Let me know when I can yell at you about how to open a mailbox and put a letter in. I’m an expert in that.

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*Yeah, and if you are a letter carrier and feel the urge to comment about how dogs make your job difficult, blah, blah, blah, just don’t. Unless you can assert that MY dogs (specifically Charlie and Sallie) have impeded your letter-carrying duties, I simply don’t care. Other people’s dog behavior is not my responsibility. Deal with them.

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