I am going out a ledge with this post, but there are some thought cloud trending happening in the news, in blogs and in our culture generally that looks like it is going to take hold of the way we view gender in the next several years. I need to get this off my chest and vow here that no matter how much our culture will be driven by women in the next generation, these things will never be true. I may lose my entire female readership over this, but that is just life. We all decide which pack we’re going to run with.
Men are dogs needing to be trained
Dogs are dogs. Men are human beings who just happen to be a different gender than women. Some of the blogs written by women that I have been reading for a while are becoming more bold at comparing the men in their lives to dogs needing to be trained. (I’m not going to list them here, but you know who you are.) Take a look at the picture of Charlie wearing a tie. If you can’t tell the difference between that and a man, you have got some serious issues. Comparing men to dogs is not fair to dogs so just stop it. It’s not funny and it’s really not clever.
If you are so eager to train a dog, get a dog. Quit confusing us with men.
My husband is my third child
I overhear this all the time from in real-life friends and on television shows, usually when women are frustrated at how little men pay attention to messes around the house, when they perceive they need to constantly remind their man about upcoming events or when they feel the need to constantly instruct him on how to do something.*
Children are your children. Your children are also your partner’s children. When you refer to him as a child, why are you shocked that he doesn’t see himself as an adult and a dad? Take a good look at yourself. Even children don’t need a mother 24/7, though it may well be you who needs to be a mom 24/7. Men already have a mom and it ain’t you. Quit acting like it should be.
My darling husband
Even if you are getting away with the first two, men know sarcastic passive aggression when they see it. They also know what DH means in tweets and texts. Just stop with this.
Marketers tell us that women are on the rise, that it is becoming a women’s world in the workplace and the marketplace in general. They proudly announce that as women become wealthier, more independent and more powerful, men are becoming obsolete. They point to the current recession as the boost that women needed to gain economic parity or dominance as men are disproportionately laid off and forced into “domestic roles.” They see gender as a zero-sum game, where in order for women to “win” they must crush men.
Some women view this as an opportunity to even the score, to declare this the era of the woman, to declare their independence from men. The proudly derail their men in bold mommyblogs and women’s conferences. And marketers fuel this rift by positioning their brands with women, further derailing emasculated men. A dream of brand respect bloggers like Caleb Gardner writes about won’t ever happen because brands are aligning almost entirely with women. Men who blog about daddydom are seen by brands as just doing it to keep busy.
The pendulum will shift back eventually where men will be men, but our culture does not have to be a wild pendulum swing from one extreme to the other. If you are a woman and you find yourself engaging in any of the three things above, stop for a moment and think about what this projects to the young puppies who are watching you. And, more importantly, to the men they interact with. Resentment is not gender-specific. Even though men may be growing quieter in the marketplace, it does not mean they are becoming passive.
Bark at me in the comments below. Fair warning; I’m too old and canine to have my mind changed easily. Plus, I’ve got a pretty good nose for culture wind shift. Bookmark this and come back in five years, see if I was right.
*Men really know how to do most of what you feel the need to bark step by step instructions on. The more you bark, the slower they go. You already know that, right?
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Good call. As a designer I run into this gender nonsense constantly. Statistics say nothing about individual aptitudes or attitudes and marketers (and others) ignore this at their peril. As clever as the Old Spice ads are, I wouldn’t buy an Old Spice product if you paid me.
Marketing to the individual is a lot of hard work. Lumping us into homogeneous groups, that’s the answer!
Look away, now look at me. I’m on a horse…
Being a woman tired of some of the things going on in society and struggling to make my own family nest, I applaud your post. It can really work as a two way street. Yes, I see too many women who get a little power and vow to crush all men under there foot like a bug as “repayment” for something that happened years and years ago (not even committed by the poor guy that’s paying for it). I suppose that I am guilty of this occassionally too, but try to be very sensitive to it and stop as soon as I spot it.
As women, we crave companionship. If we are constantly making our husbands, boyfriends, or whatever feel like less than what they are, how can we really expect true companionship. You are 100% correct…men and women are different. BUT, they are that way for a reason. Both genders need to respect what the other brings to the table and cherish it. The world will be an ugly place if one gender rules unanimously over the other. I’m going to get some flak for this, but: There are days that I really feel like women have taken the equal rights thing way too far. Yes, we want to be respected. Yes, we want to be treated the same as a guy. Yes, we want to be heard. But, no, we can’t do everything and should stop thinking we have the master plan to the universe and are owed something for “free”….just my two cents.
I grew up knee-deep in the middle of the Women’s Lib Movement of the late 60s-70s. Equality for women seemed logical, but it was interesting and puzzling to me to know a lot of women that did not agree with these “trouble-makers.” Perhaps they feared a time when some women would not stop with equality and seek dominance. Perhaps they just feared change. We do appear to be socialized for opposition rather than compatibility. Appears to be that way in a lot of things, not just gender.
@dogwalkblog Nice post and very true too! http://ht.ly/28LLN
This comment was originally posted on Twitter
Amen! It especially annoys me when women speak so condescendingly of their husbands in the presence of their children. What are you teaching your kids when you talk about men like they’re “dogs that need to be trained?”
And don’t get me started on those Disney Channel-type kid shows that treat dads like bumbling idiots. Sigh.
If we have any hopes of growing as a society, each gender needs to forget this stupid “us or them” mentality and, like Amy Good said, respect what the other brings to the table.
What’s really scary is they do it with relative ease and impunity, like the parents never grew out of junior high. Mutual respect averts and solves a lot of problems..