Essential Thanksgiving food

Posted on November 22, 2011 by Rufus Dogg
23 Comments

cranberry Essential Thanksgiving food

Thanksgiving is an opportunity to make a meal from scratch. I do every year, with the exception of one item on the table.

Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce. From a can.

I know, I know. I’ve tried making every cranberry relish recipe you can dream or look up and it remains uneaten. Even the dogs wouldn’t eat it (not really. Never feed your dog dark fruit, seeds or dark turkey meat.)

So, every year, without fail, I buy two cans of Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce.

Here’s the recipe:

1) Buy two cans Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce
2) Punch a hole in the bottom end of the can.
3) Use a can opener to remove the lid.
4) Shake hard once over a serving plate. Listen for the slurp and plop noises.
5) Cut into slices.

Easy-peazy.

This blog post is part of a blog-off series with a group of bloggers from different professions and world views, each exploring a theme from his/her world view. This was about exploring the theme, It’s Thanksgiving, so let’s blog about food To explore how others handled the theme, check them out below. I will add links as they publish.

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The passive-agressive guide to OccupyWallStreet

Posted on November 21, 2011 by Rufus Dogg
3 Comments

ows was here kilroy The passive agressive guide to OccupyWallStreet

I grew up Catholic in St. Paul, Minnesota or as I like to say, I had a season ticket front-row seat to the “Minnesota Nice Guilt-Fest.” We used to hold passive-agressive contests at the local parish church every Sunday where the best competitors went on to compete in the Dairy Barn at the Minnesota State Fair.

Our church ladies always took home the blue ribbon.

I was watching a bit of #OccupyWallStreet live camera stuff on UStream last week and like many of you, read the accounts of the early morning Zuccotti Park raids and book trashing.

So the OccupyWallStreet movement has been given the heave-ho by the government that was trusted to provide protections the citizens thought they had. Apparently the right of free assembly does not mean the right to camp out on public property and beat drums. The rights of others who don’t wish to participate need to be respected.

Fair enough. The Occupiers will have to just assemble and disband every day. I’m sure they will make that work somehow. They are bright, young and tenacious. If it were me, I’d assemble in silence in the park every day and just stare at people coming and going on Wall Street.

But where they can really make the Occupy movement work is to slowly infiltrate the rest of America with nonspecific, irritating, passive-agressive actions that anyone who supports the movement can take.

Here are just a few suggestions:

Banks and Credit Card Companies
Quit going paperless. Ask for paper statements to be mailed to you each month. Quit using the ATM and go into the lobby. Don’t show up prepared. Ask that they look up your account number and fill out the deposit slip at the window, not before. Call their 800 number almost daily to inquire about your balance or ask that they verify a check was cleared or some other inane question.

Cell Phone Companies
Again, do not go paperless. Make them mail you a bill every month. Call them to verify the terms of your agreement or check the signal strength or some other nonsense almost every day. Resist the urge to upgrade until after your contract has expired or even later.

Grocery Stores
Quit using the self check-out lanes. Ask for paper bags. Shop when they are giving out free samples and don’t buy any product they are sampling. Carry cash and lots of coins so you can pay in exact change, but take a while to count out the small coins. If you have to start over every now and then, ok. Make multiple trips a week so your purchases are small.

Libraries
Use them!

Your Employer
Punch in on time, punch out on time. Don’t give any more time than they are paying you for. Take ALL your sick and personal days. Don’t bring in anything for office potluck parties. Don’t bring in anything from home.

Gas Stations
Buy only a few gallons of gas at a time and never pay at the pump. Go inside; use the restroom, pay in cash with coins and small bills. Count it slowly. Irritate the clerk who can’t add but can see the line getting longer behind you.

Above all, never become annoyed or defensive with anyone. Be clueless, act helpless, ask inane questions. A true passive-agressive always controls the situation be remaining in character.

Sure, all this stuff takes time and effort, but what else were you gonna do? Stand around in a park?

These are just a small sampling of ideas where you can exercise some passive-agressive behavior against corporations. For the past several decades, they have been pushing their cost-savings onto their customers in the form of shadow labor without giving any of the benefits back. No wonder many of them are able to make record profits! They are getting free labor.

Be everywhere, but be nowhere. Cause small disruptions and annoyances for corporations but not enough that they can target you. Frustrate their efforts to push off expenses onto you. Frustrate their forward momentum in pushing out new products designed to give you more shadow labor without compensation.

Large crowds may be easy to disperse, but thousands of years and millions of guilt-ridden Catholics have proven that passive-agression can be a pretty formidable weapon. Learn from their years of mastery.

*Thanks to David Carr (another Minnesota ex-pat) of the New York Times for the perfect image to this post. His inspiration can be found here.

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How stupid is Mike Bloomberg?

Posted on November 17, 2011 by Rufus Dogg
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I have nothing to add other than when the weak become fearful, they start shooting and hitting.

On YouTube

Regardless of what you think about Keith Olbermann, elected leaders who choose to start arresting and repressing the pubic only fuels protesters. I’m not really sure why nobody teaches that in the “So you want to be a politician” classes these guys should be taking before they take an oath.

But they should.

Governing for Dummies. I wonder if that title exists?

The things that make us out here in Middle America pause, think, sympathize, fill with rage and then act:
- Book trashing
- Cops in paramilitary dress
- Arresting or restricting journalists’ access
- The use of “health and safety” laws for cover
- DHS involvement against American citizens
- ‘Freezing’ a public area
- Raids under cover of darkness

On February 27, 1968, Lyndon Johnson said, after watching a special report on CBS News by Walter Cronkite, “If I’ve lost Cronkite, I’ve lost the American People.” We don’t have a Walter Cronkite, but we do have Internet that brings us these stories of elected officials abusing their power given them by the people who trusted them to govern. We can see for ourselves the lengths they are willing to go to in order to maintain the power of which they have long forgotten the source.

Mike Bloomberg, you are losing the American People, one middle-aged mutt at a time.

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The complete and authoritative guide to social media

Posted on November 14, 2011 by Rufus Dogg
8 Comments

socialmedia icons The complete and authoritative guide to social media

My buddy Neil Hedley wrote a blog post yesterday that I just had to comment on. That comment turned into a blog post for me. (yay!)

This came on the heels of a post by Bonnie Stewart on Salon.com about Klout. And here on her blog earlier. Neil Kramer penned this little rant today and Saxon Henry threw this out for discussion on her weekly Adroyt.com salon last month.

It occurred to me that perhaps the online community needed a dog to strap up and take the lead position in this runaway social media sled, so here goes. The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Social Media.*

Your Blog: This is where you live. This is yours, all yours. This is home. EVERYTHING happens here. You own it. Start here; end here.

Twitter: Random crap that pops into your brain during the day. A place to huck your stuff (like blog posts, new books, other writers’ new books, shout out to friends who got mentioned in the press.. except in the police blotter.. leave that out icon smile The complete and authoritative guide to social media )

Facebook: Ugh. Post as little as possible, push to blog, Comment rarely, never more than 2 responses deep. NEVER engage in an argument there.. ever.

LinkedIn: Only post what you want people with money to see. Only reply to posts in groups to establish your authority on a subject.

YouTube: Only to host your videos so you can embed them on your blog. Don’t spend any time customizing your “channel” and never, never care about comments there. Never.

Google Plus: Post for the purpose of smashing keywords into the Google search engine. Push folks to your blog. Comment rarely. No social goal, only SEO/SEM.

Foursquare: Check in if you have B2C clients or sponsors; need an alibi for the police; want to annoy your son who is a chef by checking into chain restaurants.

That’s it. You need nothing more social than that and probably never will. Ignore any other advice you get about social media.

For every other connection that is worth a damn, use the phone or email.

Would a dog lie to you?

*Not responsible for a drop in revenues, self-esteem or any other “in real life” assets you foolishly attached to any of your social media identities. If you ever want to know what is real, take your dog for a walk. Nothing else matters.

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You cheated me. You stole my destiny.

Posted on November 11, 2011 by Rufus Dogg
14 Comments

lt dan You cheated me. You stole my destiny.

There is a scene in Forrest Gump where Lt. Dan hauls Forrest to the floor of the military hospital and lashed out at him for saving his life. His destiny, he yelled through clenched teeth, was to die in battle like his ancestors before him. He was angry and bitter that had been taken away from him, even though he had been given his life in exchange.

We see this facet of the human condition all around us.

Mitch McConnell was supposed to serve in a government that was stately and hallowed, where learned white men exchanged discourse of higher ideals. Instead, he found himself in a Congress where he perceived the shoe-shine boy and coat check girl were in charge. And that made him a bitter, frustrated old man.

The same could be said about the recent spontaneous student riots when Joe Paterno was fired from Penn State. The media prattled on about how the students were showing support for JoePa. No, they weren’t. They were scared, bitter Lt. Dans, lashing out at any ol’ Forrest, screaming “you stole my destiny.” They knew in their hearts they were not ever, ever going to be a part of that great football legacy of Penn State. It was stolen from them.

To understand Occupy Wall Street is to understand this fundamental facet of the human condition. An entire generation (or class, or 99%) of Americans have become overwhelmed by the fear of losing the destiny that they were promised. The same is also true of the Tea Party.

The media spins stories around facts. They have to. They need to be able to verify human behavior — especially perceptibly irrational behavior — around a series of facts. This caused that, that caused this other thing, etc. Journalism isn’t about waxing philosophically about the inner workings of the human mind and heart.

And so we end up having a discourse around the talking points that are on the surface, those that we were told were the causal elements of an event instead of what is really going on.

What is really going on is basic human fear. The real cause is nothing you can prove, but deep in our hearts, we know it to be true.

Nobody stole our destiny. The truth is our destiny is to create our own world, to figure out how to grow legs when the world cuts us off at the knees. While our initial reaction is to lash out at the world, to get drunk on New Year’s Eve and rail against God and his creation, eventually we need to figure out the answer to the fundamental question Lt. Dan asked of himself in that military hospital; “What am I gonna do now?”

Some of us will figure it out, find peace and go get some new legs. Others will simply run out of time. Most will remain angry, frustrated and bitter.

What are you gonna do?

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Posted in American Culture, GenY Thoughts, Great Recession, Just thinking out loud, Pop Culture | Tagged , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Puppies of Mad Men

Posted on November 10, 2011 by Rufus Dogg
5 Comments

midge puppies Puppies of Mad Men

I was transferring some rather large iTunes libraries and one of those little buggers is bound to start playing in the background. Season one, Episode One Smoke Gets in your Eyes was the one that started playing.

By the time I figured out it was playing, it made it all the way to the scene where Don knocks on Midge’s door and she shows him the greeting card she is drawing for Grandmother’s Day. It was a puppy! I missed that scene.

Anyway, it got me thinking that if Mad Men started off with a puppy, there has got to be a ton of other puppy references throughout. So I am going to find them and add them here.

If anyone wants to join in on the project, just holler below in the comments and let me know which episodes you will be watching. Post the time dogs or puppies are referenced and we should have a list in short order.

Hey, it’s research!

Season 1, Episode 1, 3:42

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I’m a joker, I’m a smoker, I’m a midnight toker… but mostly I’m a welder who writes haiku and works as a janitor on the weekends

Posted on November 8, 2011 by Rufus Dogg
18 Comments

tailor Im a joker, Im a smoker, Im a midnight toker... but mostly Im a welder who writes haiku and works as a janitor on the weekends

When I was young, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life when I grew up; EVERYTHING.

I wanted to be on the receiving end of a firehose of experience that was exciting and revelrous and peaceful and satisfying all at once. Almost a lifetime (well, so far!) of living and I’m still looking for the perfect experience that stands still in time as well as moves the human race forward by a leap.

This morning, I wanted 5:00 am to last forever, with a hot cup of coffee, the New York Times and a large dog with his head in my lap. But I also wanted to write that perfect book chapter that was swirling in my head. 5:00 am turned into 6:39 am too soon and 6:39 am turned into 11:00 am and I had not stopped the clock nor had I moved humanity forward by a leap.

Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow.

Earlier this year, the photo above got a fair amount of ribbing on Twitter by the interior design community, architects and some other folks who will remain unnamed. It was a good bit of fun as we poked at how this current recession was driving folks to diversify skills and service offerings from one store front. It also produced a lot of puns that, in hindsight, are probably a bit too embarrassing to recall. I think the photo was originally discovered by @concretedetail It illustrates the map of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

By the way, this is a real tailor shop in New York. Their Facebook fan page is here. I suggest you like them for all sorts of reasons that might occur to you after you read this post (you are gonna stick around for that long, right?)

Most people are confused when they get to this blog for the very reasons that it is having problems getting traction. It can’t be defined in the nine-second sound byte requirement. And I’m sure I lose readers because I don’t get to the point fast enough for them to decide to stay. On the other hand, I am convinced I keep readers because they give me some patience and trust that eventually I will be worthwhile reading, like a Steinbeck novel or a Thurber story. (Seriously, guys if you picked up the pace in the first few chapters….)

“So, is it a dog blog? Oh, wait, you talk politics… now you’re talking social issues and education…” thoughts wander off, finger clicks…

“Oh, good you rant about the evils of society just like me and … wait, are you a dog? thoughts wander off, finger clicks…

“Another one of those personal branding…. no, wait, he’s talking marketing? …. design? thoughts wander off, finger clicks…

My publicist rails against me for not being able to focus and write about any one thing for too long. “I don’t know how to package and sell you,” she laments between deep sighs, during which time I’m almost sure she is slinging back the remains of a bottle of Syrah she popped at the beginning of our conversation ten minutes ago. “Media wants experts at SOMETHING.”

I’m giving her some time to think about my “packaging.” She’ll find something eventually because she is the very best at her game. And she will be super-passionate about it because she will have solved this huge puzzle of “What is DogWalkBlog” that has been hanging over me since I started writing this little collection of stuff in 2005. I’m not in a rush because I’m enjoying the journey too much. I’m not sure I’ll like the destination.

Where was I… Oh, yes…

I’ve always had this condition. I want to be everything all at once all the time. In college when I absolutely had to declare a major, I picked English because to me that signified a juxtaposition* of the absence of a commitment and the presence of a full-on commitment. “You’ll never get a good job with an English degree,” my narrow-minded idiot of a freshman advisor warned. She was right, but that has not stopped me from having a fantastic experience. And making a ton of money off employed and mentally-jailed people along the way.

Wait a minute.. I thought you were a dog? How can a dog do all that stuff? *Sigh* Move along quickly… you’re gumming up progress.

And because of my condition, I worry that I am entirely unemployable. I look at job sites all the time and get befuddled by the continually narrowing of choices I am required to select. Geography, industry, sector, specific job… forget it, I’ll just stay out here paying my own insurance until that cost becomes too painful. I don’t envy friends between the AARP and Medicare age who are out looking for a job. They have too much life experience to stuff into one job description, yet they must to appease the hot-shot HR folks.

I have the same problem with my corporation. I write a blog post or an article and then look on Businessweek, OPEN, Digg or some other cataloging site and just stare at the categories I’m supposed to smash this multi-faceted gem of knowledge into. I end up not doing anything which probably hurts my SEO and Google ranking and all that crap. Chris Brogan kinda lamented the same thing a few blog post back, only not in such a whiny howl as I’m doing here. (I searched for the post; I couldn’t find it right away so I’m hoping Chris will drop the URL in the comments.)

I worry that I have not taught my son well. During a recent lunch with Saxon Henry, she turned to him and asked, “So, what is it that you do?”

Without drawing a breath, he said, “I cook.”

I was dismayed and proud all at the same moment. He had his elevator speech nailed down which showed that he was paying attention to my rantings about getting a good carnival bark. He got it that the world expected short, direct, decisive answers to direct questions.

On the other hand, I was secretly hoping he would say something like, “I breathe! I live! I create art! I ensure the survival of the human species! I am changing the world and being here with you now, having this conversation, I am changing your perspective on one little thing which you will share with another and they will share with another and eventually that spark of an idea will move a mountain.” Maybe he did it during the course of the conversation and I missed it. Maybe he does this in the company of his close friends. I hope he does.

Maybe the good-natured ribbing of the twitter on the photo above was an uneasiness with our own insecurities about our life choices or the fact that the skills we all worked so hard to master and hone will be marginalized and eradicated by the job market within weeks during the next recession without apology or remorse. Maybe it is an admission to our inner selves that we have “sold out” our humanity by defining ourselves as just one thing; Joe the Plumber, Bob the Builder, Frank the Blogger. Maybe some of us define ourselves more narrowly on the outside so that we can be more free to be ourselves inside without others imposing expectations on us.

Maybe the world really is mostly made up of one-dimensional people and I’m out here being strange with a few other lost folks.

I’m ok with that.

*That is my street cred. If you can’t work “juxtaposition” into something that runs at least 1,000 words, your English degree ain’t worth a tinker’s damn.

###

This blog post is part of a blog-off series with a group of bloggers from different professions and world views, each exploring a theme from his/her world view. This was about exploring the theme, What did you want to be when you grew up? To explore how others handled the theme, check them out below. I will add links as they publish.

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Posted in American Culture, BlogOff, Just thinking out loud, Pop Culture | Tagged , , , , | 18 Comments