Move yer bloomin’ arse

Posted on July 16, 2012 by Rufus Dogg
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ascot Move yer bloomin arse

In the middle of the Ascot Opening Day scene of My Fair Lady, where every duke and earl and peer was prim and proper watching the horse race in their best dress and most proper composure, Eliza shouts out what everyone there was thinking, “MOVE YER BLOOMIN’ ARSE!.”

It was funny because of the backdrop which the scene was against but since it was an innately human response nobody really thought it terribly offensive. It was what in their heads and what they all wish they had the guts to shout.

This is the scene that runs through my head every time I hear some journalist or pundit say the American people are tired of the mudslinging in the election.

Tired of it? Tired of it? Are you kidding me? We’re the culture that created boxing, cage matches, reality TV and Omarosa. We love this stuff.

But we’ll never admit it. Oh, no, never. We also would never admit to liking Taylor Swift, Rebecca Black or Carly Rae Jepsen or Hanson either. (G’on click on the links. It will be our secret.)

The latest reality TV is now looking to upend American Idol. Steven Tyler and JLo, do you really want to be leaving now that you both can single-handedly decide the Presidential election?

And now for the entertainment face-off part of the blog post.

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Two questions we should ask Mitt Romney

Posted on July 14, 2012 by Rufus Dogg
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abc romney Two questions we should ask Mitt Romney

Last night, Mitt Romney conducted some hastily-organized interviews with the major networks in part to respond to the deluge of attacks by Barack Obama about his role at Bain Capital. He did not do very well because I think he was confused by the lack of understanding of corporate governance the reporters exhibited in their questions.

Ironically, as the GOP pushes to slash education budgets, more and more Americans are learning less and less about how business works. Most kids are now being trained to go to work, punch a clock and expect money for work. They don’t understand the difference between passive and active income, an executive vs a shareholder position in a corporation or the relationship of a board member to a CEO. All they know now is you are either the boss or you isn’t.

Oops. I’ll bet Mitt did not see that coming. If he had, his explanations would make as much sense to the nails ladies and the dogs walkers as they do to the 1%-ers. In short, he would not be in this pickle.

As someone who holds annual shareholder meetings with the shareholders (me) and my board (me) and my CEO (me) I understand the nuance. Is it silly? Absolutely. I should not have to generate meeting minutes where the Secretary (me) takes role call of all the directors (me) and also calls for a vote on mundane things and seconds them (me and me.) But, the letter of the law and my corporate charter is very specific so we (me) do it.

But we should really move on and away from all this legal crap and into some questions everyone understands.

Question One:
If you resigned as CEO, who specifically was then in charge? What was the organizational chart? Please name the names of who reported to whom. Will you release the Board of Directors meeting minutes that show these votes?

Question Two:
We will accept at face value that you resigned from Bain Captial in 1999. Since then, you have led the Olympics — a non profit — and were governor of Massachusetts, a public-sector job. Since being governor, you have been running for President of the United States. That is a thirteen year gap in your private-sector, for-profit business experience résumé. Please explain how this is not like a typical stay-at-home mom who may have left an executive career to raise her kids and is now trying to re-enter the workforce?

That should do it. Just two questions.

Which news organization is going to take me up on this?

.

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What does it mean to own something?

Posted on July 6, 2012 by Rufus Dogg
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soldsign What does it mean to own something?

I passed this sign on the way through the Village of North Clayton on our way to the “dog park” yesterday and it made me pause. Firstly, because it wasn’t there yesterday so that probably means the economy is starting to move (we’ll lose our dogpark when it does) but also, because the lot is in one of those “planned villages.”

The dirty little secret about these planned villages is when someone buys a lot and builds a building, the developer still owns the property. The structure is on private property even though it looks like a public street. No First Amendment protections, endless association fees and in this case, every business not only pays rent, but a percentage of its sales.

In dog-speak, owning something now means a leash.

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Why Mitt Romney should not be president

Posted on July 6, 2012 by Rufus Dogg
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mitt Why Mitt Romney should not be president

I don’t think Mitt Romney should be the President of the United States and not for the reasons you may think a left-leaning, socialist mutt would cite. Let’s take away the politics and look at the man running for president.

When I see Mitt, I think of the quote from Zed in Men In Black

Gentlemen, congratulations. You’re everything we’ve come to expect from years of government training. Now please step this way, as we provide you with our final test: an eye exam…

Substitute the word “government” for “upper class society” and you nailed Mitt.

The presidency is just the next step in a to-do list of things a good upper-crust American is expected to do. This is the formula for a legacy. It’s like he is fulfilling a high school résumé to get into a good college. It becomes problematic when we are watching the formula play out.

  • Private school: check
  • Missionary work abroad: check
  • Marry pretty girl: check
  • BYU degree: check
  • Create perfect family: check
  • Harvard MBA/Law Degree: check
  • CEO of a wealth-creating company: check
  • Community service (Olympics): check
  • Elected position (Gov of Mass): check
  • President of the United States: Working on it

And the list goes on to include things like become the elder patriarch, establish a Romney Foundation, etc, etc. It is the perfect data-driven life. Do that, get that result.

I think it was the late Mary-Ellis Bunim, the creator of MTV’s The Real World who once said (and I am paraphrasing because I’m not sure it was her but I’m pretty sure it was MTV) “If the audience ever sees our marketing, the show is dead.” The whole premise of the show — and why it worked the first season — is inscribed in the show’s opening narrative:

This is the true story… of seven strangers… picked to live in a house…work together and have their lives taped… to find out what happens… when people stop being polite… and start getting real…The Real World.

MTV knew they could fake real to teens only if they were successful in hiding the “man behind the curtain.” Once the curtain was pulled back, the gig was up, the magic was gone. The legacy of the 1992 The Real World is a swath of “reality” shows that don’t even pretend to be reality anymore, but rather modern day Gladiator fights.

I don’t often find myself agreeing with Rupert Murdoch*, but I agree with him when he says Mitt “lacks stomach and heart.” Americans like their president to have heart, passion and a depth of soul. Even when we disagree with them, think they are the worst thing to happen to our country in generations, feel they are illegitimate, know they are shady and shifty, we want — we need — them to have passion, fight and guts. We need them to look the world in the eye and say, “tear down this wall” or stand on a pile of rubble with a bullhorn in one hand or stand proud in the face of a plummeting economy on a cold Winter’s day and reassure us all that the only thing we ever need to overcome the deafening wail of economic darkness on the horizon is the tiniest bit of hope that can be fanned into a roaring flame of change.

Even when he attempts to stand up and connect on a visceral level with voters, Mitt falls flat. In his latest reaction to the jobs report this month, he called it a “kick in the gut.” A kick in the gut is losing your job today and your husband losing his tomorrow. A kick in the gut is surviving a spinal cord injury for several years and your wife/caregiver dies of lung cancer less than a year after you. A kick in the gut is surviving three tours abroad and getting into a car accident on your way home from the airport. A kick in the gut is not a crappy jobs report in the middle of a crappy economy. It may be a disappointment. It could be a bit of angst. It could also be a bit of an anxious moment, but it is not a kick in the gut.

Mitt Romney may have the brains; he may have the background and the connections to get things done, but he doesn’t have the heart and guts for what lies ahead.

*I agreed with Murdoch here.

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Dern ye, ya shoulda taken d’pie

Posted on July 3, 2012 by Rufus Dogg
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hmmm pie Dern ye, ya shoulda taken dpie

When I was fifteen, I worked as a cook for The Viking Village Smorgasbord on Snelling Ave in St. Paul, MN. It’s not there anymore and someone long ago turned the building into a furniture store. A few decades have passed since I last clocked in, but a few stories stick vividly in my brain as if they happened only yesterday.

In “The Cities,” as we were wont to say, we prided ourselves on being urbane, but we were surrounded by the State of Minnesota that had its share of dirt farmers. On this particular weeknight, a farm couple wandered in for dinner. He was wearing his best overalls and she, her best go-to-church Sunday dress. Neither had very many teeth, their faces were ruddy with sun and wind and their hands gnarled from years of manual farm work. They held all the cash they were going to spend in The Cities in their hands. Maybe it was all they had left, maybe all they started out with or everything they planned on spending but you could tell it wasn’t much.

Dinner was $4.95, all you could eat, not including pie. Pie was extra.

They had gone down the line, filling their plates with fried chicken, steamed cod and mashed potatoes. She had a comment on everything, mostly with how delicious everything looked. I think she was just happy she didn’t have to cook for one evening. In her mind, her husband was treating her like a queen for a night. And when they got to the end of the food line, he confirmed it.

“Did you want a piece of pie?” she asked. He shook his head and said, “No, you go ahead. It cost extra.”

“We got enough,” she said and he caught my eye. I looked down and began wiping the line.

“No, no.. there is tax and everything. You go ahead.”

As the cashier rang up their meal, I looked up and noticed her counting out the remaining money. I got a sense that it was close, but more than enough to cover the price of another piece of pie.

She looked up at him and said, “Dern ye, ya shoulda taken d’pie!”

Happy National Pie Week. If life offers you a piece of pie, take it. There will be more than enough lean days ahead.

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A nation of inclusiveness this July 4th

Posted on July 2, 2012 by Rufus Dogg
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A tweet pooped into my stream this morning from @XpressiveHandz with a link to the following video. It is short and most of us know the tune; some of us even know all the words to the song.

Watch it now, please. The rest can wait.

My daughter is taking ASL in college. She’s quite good at it and gets excited when she can use it out in the real world. Many times, she makes someone’s day when they realize they don’t need to scribble on a piece of paper or gesture and point oddly to be understood. Like anything, when the deaf community becomes a greater part of your life, you notice that it has been around you the entire time. You just didn’t notice it all that much before.

As I watched Kristina’s interpretation of the music and the lyrics on the video, the swell of pride and enthusiasm contrasted markedly with the anger and vitriol I had been exposed to all weekend by John Boehner, Mitch McConnell, Sarah Palin and others on the cable and news talk shows about the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act. As they spewed their disgust about how “normal” Americans should not be forced to pay for those with pre-existing conditions, the contrast is even more striking.

Perhaps Speaker Boehner and Leader McConnell need a reminder that they also represent the interests of the deaf and hard of hearing, not just those who can hear their hatred and nod along.

The private insurance market classifies deafness as a pre-existing condition. Many insurance policies do not cover the costs of acquiring ASL skills as a basic human right for the deaf and hard of hearing. Yet, when you watch the National Anthem signed for those who may never have heard the music or the words, it is hard to mask the strong sense of patriotism that also exists in the deaf community. The United States of America should stand for something every day of the year, not just in flag-waving ceremonies on select holidays.

It occurs to me that as the “normal Americans” work to marginalize those of us who don’t look and act like them, it does not do much to squash the pride and patriotism the rest of us with “pre-existing conditions” have with that part of what it means to be a member of the American community.

Don’t wait until November to decide what kind of country you want to live in. Each of us has a “pre-existing condition,” whether it is visible or not. We are all a part of each other. Decide today if you want to live in a community of inclusiveness or one of separation, fear and hate.

Some say we can’t afford to take care of each other. I say we can’t afford not to.

brave asl 150x150 A nation of inclusiveness this July 4th

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Look what I got for five bucks! My fiverr.com test

Posted on June 28, 2012 by Rufus Dogg
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Last week, I found out about this web site called Fiverr.com. Being of a curious nature, I go there and read a few things that people will do for $5. Some of this stuff I would never trust for a fiver, but Adam Russell’s listing “I will over react to anything you want for $5” caught my eye.

I could not pass that up. I plunked down $5 for the video and another $5 to upgrade to HD and waited.

This is what Adam came back with. It might be his British accent, his youth or his comedic timing but I think it’s quite funny! Certainly worth way more than $10. This kid will be famous one day. Dogs have a nose for this.

If you need to rant about something but you’d rather a surrogate did it instead of you, ring up Adam. He’ll rant for you and you can disavow yourself of all ownership if you get caught.

For now, crack open a beer, unwrap a whoopie pie and watch. Eat and drink fast; it’s only :45 seconds.

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