Real patriots die at 55

When you turn fifty in America, you are old. When you turn fifty-five you are too old and should consider dying to make room for the next generation of revenue-producing units. It’s the patriotic thing to do. Hear me out on this.

When you turn fifty-five, the human resources department is looking for a legal way to get rid of you despite what they say about you having vital experience. You’re making too much money, you don’t go to as many training classes as they think you should, you are not as mobile with that family and mortgage anchoring you down and you are starting to contribute a whole lot more to the 401(k) than they had planned for matching funds. They will lay you off in a heartbeat and you will not be able to find another job. Ever. Not in this economy.

When you turn fifty-five, the health insurance premiums for the plan you had to buy on your own because your employer could no longer afford to provide benefits will double over last year. Your out-of-pocket health care costs will also go up and you will start racking up pre-existing conditions, making you ineligible for any other insurance. But you only have ten more years to go to qualify for Medicare, so maybe… oh, wait, they are going to raise that to seventy. You’re screwed.

By the time you are fifty-five, you should have already produced at least one, maybe two future revenue-generating units for the corporate consumer machine. They were far more expensive than you thought they would be, but you’ve put off saving for retirement until they finished school and left. You are now ready to front-load your 401(k) and mutual fund portfolio…

But wait! CNN tells you that you have only about a 30% chance of outliving your retirement plan at the rate you’re going. Oh, sure you’ve helped fuel the economy by having kids, buying a larger house than you could afford, paying for their tuition and feeding and clothing them, but now, you are on the taking end of the economy. Whoa, there! Your country frowns on those who take out of the system, regardless of much you’ve contributed in.

Business wants your money. They tell you this all the time by marketing to Boomers. But they don’t want you actually working for them, drawing a salary and sucking up the benefits. Heck, those young GenY brats will work for half what you need and still think it a fortune. Thank God Walmart hires old people as greeters. Oh, you can’t stand for eight hours a day because your sciatica has been acting up? You should go see a doctor about that. Insurance? Man, that’s tough luck buddy.


The business of America is business and you are standing in the way when you start getting old. Manup and die off when you hit fifty-five. Your country needs you to make that sacrifice to help reduce the unemployment rate and the federal deficit all at the same time. Moreover, you are likely to have life insurance and your kids could sure use that money to prop up retail sales.

Have you lost hope yet? Really? The great United States of America does not need its future derailed by negative-thinking pinheads like you. Is you or is you ain’t a patriot? Time to decide.

4 Replies to “Real patriots die at 55”

  1. You’re such a polyanna G. Always looking at the world through rose colored glasses…

    Just remember, Soylent Green is the answer…

  2. anyone who spoke like this in the 50s was a commie. today, perhaps a conspiracy theorist. I don’t put those labels on people, or try not to. No, ironically, this is about institutions and individuals. it’s about institutions because those big entities take on their own life. Banks want us to use ATM machines and Debit/Credit/Debt Cards because it’s good for the institution. Oh please, please financial marketers, please don’t insult me by saying its convenient and I can manage my money better and all this happy Horse Hockey (Col. Potter’s words MASH look it up youngin) to make me feel more in control. I’m not.

    It’s about individuals because, sad to say, individuals that believe they are “protected” by the institutions because they work for them go along compliant in their daily routine, playing the individual battles that will keep them “protected” on this land owned by the institution. Sure they see stuff that’s wrong, but is it really that bad that we are convincing people to buy stuff they don’t need for an incredibly low price. Because as long as they put it on my credit card, that Rolled Back price of $5.25 is going to net the institution $15.75. This is just a mirror of every other institution in the society you so clearly discuss in this post.

    And college – oh yes we need college, must have it in my day. I was one of the first in my family of second generation Americans to graduate college. Today an MBA is a must to get any where. I have 5 children, didn’t think about institutions at the time of conception. I should have been. Institutions, they mean well. Individuals they mean well.

    When I read Orwell and Wells, and saw movies like Rollerball I thought, that was entertaining. Holy hanna, I should have been thinking this is frightening stuff. No I just moved on to my next class. Not very smart am I?

  3. One last comment that refutes your post. Drugs. yes Drugs. I think the pharmas want us all to live a good long life. Pass me the Viragra and the Prozac please. Yes, my old age should look as much like my 20s as possible. Why? Because that’s what made this country great.

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