Mercedes Benz shoulda hired an English major

This is the latest commercial for Mercedes Benz:

Ouch!

I’m not sure how much money they spent on the special effects, CGI or any of that, but they should have spent more on copywriting. The only copy in the commercial is painfully grammatically incorrect.

It should have said “fewer doors” not “less doors.” Of course, they could have said “less door space.”

While the misuse of “few” and “less” is grating and painful to my ears, I’m sure few others noticed. But if Mercedes Benz is a premium brand that buyers trust to handle all the small details on the car, shouldn’t they also handle the details of their commercials with the same care and fanaticism?

Its brand promise of “the best or nothing” to their customers insists it does.

Be careful what you send people, they may just laugh at you with the world watching

This is just funny and clever stuff because it is in context. The dogs leaping into the pool isn’t bad viewing either.

And if you are a lawyer or a company with a lawyer and feel the need to send me a cease and desist letter, for anything I have done, said or will do and say, I will publicly ridicule it and you as well. I will probably pee on it instead of oven-toasting it!

Fight fair and write with care. And compete with your brain, not your lawyer. You’ll look smarter and less like a whiney-momma’s boy-cupcake-nancy-pansy.

Yup, that oughta get me at least ONE letter.

Why do we keep eating?

Why do we eat? The simple answer would be that if we did not eat, we would die. But that is not entirely true. Science can provide us with a pill we can take that would provide exactly the nutrition we need — no more, no less — to keep our bodies healthy. Yet, we resist the notion that a pill, taken three time a day, would replace daily meals.

….

Round up all the web geeks and pelt them with pebbles

I just spent the last hour of my life fighting with some CSS that works perfectly in Safari and MESI 7.0, but not in MSIE 6.0 or the “standards compliant” Firefox whatever version it is now. Since I am working pre-coffee, pre-office hours from a laptop on my kitchen table, I don’t have the luxury of checking out the site on a MSIE 6.0 browser. All I have is a really badly worded description of the problem, sent in an email by a very late Boomer who is using a language all her own to describe the issue.

Let me start by explaining I am very, very good at CSS, HTML, PHP, Perl, MySQL, Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign and a whole host of stuff that has long been discontinued. I have been in the Internet and Web game since 1995 so I think it is fair to say I know what I am doing and have employed a pretty sizable library of fixes, kludges, hacks and plain ol’ cheats to make stuff work on a Web site. I can read, write and design. Don’t even start assuming I’m an idiot or unknowledgeable. You would be very, very wrong.

In some circles, I would be considered a geek. But in mine, I am a User Interface Designer. My job — some would say my obsession — is to make the interaction between the human and the machine seamless and intuitive. If training is needed, the system is too complicated. At least that is the ideal.

I have lost more time, brain cells and sleep to the hubris of geeks than any other tech-related issue. I am convinced the only reason that we have browser discrepancies with CSS, HTML, etc is because the geeks were in charge and they did not have the skills to play nice with each other or anybody else. They looked down at the user because they weren’t as smart, because they didn’t get it. And, they looked down at each other because each one was more right than his peer.

What if each company making street lights decided on a different order of the red-yellow-green? Of, decided that the colors were way too boring and decided purple-pink-magenta would be better. Or, what if they decided that light were just not good and they used coo-coo clock birdies instead? And imagine if a different signal was installed on each street corner. But, the wrinkle is that each user was able to choose which signal he/she liked best for that day, for that corner? What a mess!

So, now we have this mess of browser technologies that don’t play well with each other. For every hour I have to spend on the phone or email, explaining why MSIE 6.0 is a piece of crap, I would like to invoice Microsoft. And, in all fairness, Microsoft should take that invoice payment out of the paychecks of any geek who decided that their way was better. Let them live with the consequences of the mess their hubris created. Apple and Mozilla, you’re not off the hook either.

I expect the geeks to either ignore this post or defend their position. I really don’t give a crap which they do because today, I woke up as a fully frustrated user who doesn’t care to hear another excuse about why your way is better. I am no longer a developer; I will be a user first. If I have to fight with it, I ain’t gonna use your technology.

Standards are good. Community-agreed conventions keep use from wasting time. Pay attention to the user, geeks and peek out from your self-induced world every once in a while.

And quit going to geek conventions where everyone validates your opinion about the user. They’re wrong; we’re not stupid. We just have lives where technology is a tool, not an ends.

How to look clueless on Twitter in three easy steps

Recently, one of the folks I follow sent out a tweet about a teacher who is selling sponsorship on the bottom of his test. The tweet went like:

I am in advertising, but even I think this is a bad idea.

So, being a good follower, I click on the link to the story, read it and replied back something like:

Wow, I want to advertise. Do you know how to get in touch with Tom Farber?

A day goes by and the reply comes back from my follower:

Who is Tom F?

I replied he was the teacher in the story he tweeted out. He replied back:

Not sure, use Google!

Oh, ok. I was a bit taken aback, but maybe he was very busy, a day job, thousands of followers and didn’t really have time to engage me. Nope. He is following 32 people.

So, here is my take on Mr. Follower.
He really didn’t read or engage in the article, but he thought he should tweet something out that made him look like he was connected with the advertising/marketing world. When he was given an opportunity to engage with someone who took the time to reply to a tweet, he blew it entirely by saying, “I don’t have time for you, look it up yourself.”

I clicked through to Mr. Follower’s profile and then to his web site, which turned out to be a resume. His last job ended in September 2008, so it looks like he is searching for a new job. Do I have a marketing position for him with my company? Maybe I do, but I would never hire him.

Am I being too hard on Mr. Follower? Perhaps. Perhaps I should do my own research on articles that interest me. Or, perhaps Mr. Follower just failed the first test of a prospective employer looking for a Web 2.0 savvy person to lead a multi-million dollar division.

Oh, yeah, the three steps thing… umm, ok:
1. Make sure you don’t actually read or engage in web sites you tweet out
2. Treat every question like it is an imposition on your time
3. Don’t bother helping anyone. That is what Google is for.

Disappearing males?

This is an interesting video and it appears as if males are disappearing. The video concludes that that is is becasue of the chemicals we’re producing, but as a male of the canine species, I’d like to posit another theory:

Mommybloggers

Ok, not specifically mommybloggers, but everything they represent. The mommies have all bonded into this huge economic and marketing force that has diverted much of the scientific research dollars on disease and such to things like breasts cancer and away from colon cancer, protate cancer and various other things men die from.

Almost two full generations of men have been emasculated by this “mommyblogging” force into believing men are not really valuable unless they get in touch with their feminine side. Limiting sperm count in college-aged, sex-crazed boys has got to be a good thing, right? Men who have kids should celebrate the fact that they got a girl, and another and another.. even though they really wanted a boy. But, they will never say that for fear of losing the single testicle mommybloggers allow them to keep.

Women really no longer need that many men in society because they can store sperm for generations to use when they are ready. In fact, we can cut down men to half their current population and really not affect our viability as a species.

But, I’m just one puppy and my view of this issue may be colored just a little by my “procedure” that left me a little less manly.

Posted by email from rufus’s posterous

Truemors was being goofy.

So here are my comments to 

Palin Calls Bloggers “Kids in Pajamas…in Their Parents’ Home”

Here is the quote from the Fox News site:

–QUOTE–

VAN SUSTEREN: Is there anything else that has been raised or said about you in the media, either during the convention — I mean, during the campaign or since the campaign ended, that you think you need to address that has been, you know, an allegation about you?

 

PALIN: Well, unfortunately, early on, there are a tremendous number of examples that we can give regarding my record and things that could have, should have been so easily corrected if — if the media would have taken one step further and — and investigated a little bit, not just gone on some blogger probably sitting there in their parents’ basement, wearing their pajamas, blogging some kind of gossip or — or a lie regarding, for instance, the — the discussion about who was Trig’s real mom? You know, Was it one of her daughters or was she faking her pregnancy?

–UNQUOTE–

Yes, it is true that she does not say ALL bloggers blog in pajamas in their parents home, but she is stereotyping bloggers much like, oh, I dunno.. like what a GOP group did for Obama on what African-Americans eat, for example… 

http://www.dogwalkblog.com/2008/10/18/the-price-of-stupid-and-ignorance/  even though it may be true of SOME African-Americans… Couple that with the tone in her voice (check out YouTube) and her reference really is unmistakable.

Sarah Palin is just not that bright. My God, the sentence structure and subject-predicate agreement alone is horrifying! Lawyers would be endlessly employed trying to figure out which “is” meant “is” or “was” or what “is” really is. 

She is GREAT for energizing the DNC base to vote against her and non-stop entertainment for humans and canine alike, but presidential? Hmmm… no.

Posted by email from rufus’s posterous

Do they talk american?

Here’s a tip when running for President of the United States of America: Pay attention in English class.

From an email on October 18, 2008 from the McCain/Palin camp, they write:

Help John McCain and Sarah Palin win in November!

With less than 18 days until Election Day our volunteer activities are in full swing. With your help here in Ohio John McCain and Sarah Palin will win on November 4th. To sign up for volunteer shifts at your local campaign office please click here!

What they meant to write was: “With fewer than 18 days until Election Day…” in addition to the comma after the dependent clause.. (…Election Day, for those who need a nudge.)

Guess The Elements of Style is one more thing Palin doesn’t read. These are the people we want in charge of reforming education in America? Perhaps what is really needed is just a federal mandate to lower the bar for everyone. Then, we can all look smart.

The problem of typos in the McCain camp is systemic. Take a look at his education issue page (just the last paragraph will do ya!) Is the world moving too fast that they can’t take a few extra seconds to proof their published material? Or, are they really that ignorant? Perhaps Peggy Noonan is right.

Stay in school, kids. Or, maybe just drop out now and get your name on a ballot somewhere. You’re probably already qualified!