Turning my back on time

Turn Back Time

Turn Back Time

If I could turn back time, I would turn it back before last Monday when I suggested to my editor that he float the theme “If you could turn back time” to the Lets BlogOff editorial staff.

When I first starting writing this blog seven years or so ago, nobody cared what I had to say. As I kept writing, I picked up readers. Part of the problem with writing in an autobiographical style where I am the protagonist is some parts start straying a bit from the absolute truth to an amalgamation of the truth to something that starts becoming story. As Virginia Woolf said in A Room of One’s Own

Lies will flow from my lips, but there may perhaps be some truth mixed up with them; it is for you to seek out this truth and to decide whether any part of it is worth keeping.

If Virginia Woolf thought it ok to make stuff up for the sake of a story, who am I to argue? Nonetheless, I find I can’t really write to the theme as I would have to fly too close to the sun for the story to flow. It would only lead to an endless game of regret and what-if. My life moves in one direction — forward.

Hence, (yeah, I said hence) my post is this short: I wish I could turn back time to before last Monday.

For no particular reason, in no particular order, my two favorite turn back time-themed songs of my youth.

Tanya Tucker-What’s your mama’s name

George Jones and Tammy Wynette- Golden Ring (Embedding disabled, but worth the click.

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This blog post is part of a blog-off series with a group of bloggers from different professions and world views, each exploring a theme from his/her world view. This was about exploring the theme, If you could turn back time? To explore how others handled the theme, check them out below. I will add links as they publish.

Stopping my world

At first I thought I would use the day to catch up on everything I can never find enough time in the day to do. But then I thought, “What are you thinking? That crap will be there when the world-stop-day ends.”

Part of my assumption on a day the world stops is it stops for ME, not other people. So everyone would be suspended at midnight and reanimate the next midnight. Time would not pass. I would truly gain a day where nobody would have any expectations of me, need nothing from me and where I would enjoy the time all to myself.

Kinda like Groundhog Day.

Except I would not use the time to learn to play the piano, make snow angels, save people from dying, wreck a car on a train track or any of that.

I would do nothing.

And not feel at all guilty about it. The other stuff only has meaning in the context of other people. That probably makes me incredibly selfish, but just thinking that it does probably means I give away far too much of my time away anyway.

I would do nothing.

This blog post is part of a blog-off series with a group of bloggers from different professions and world views, each exploring a theme from his/her world view. This was about answering the question, If you could stop the world for one day… To explore how others handled the theme, check them out below. I will add links as they publish.

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Bart Simpson will always be 10 years old

bart_simpsonHere is the secret to the sustainability of The Simpsons: Bart Simpson will always be 10 years old.

At first, this statement seems a bit puzzling, but think about why other social media icons have fallen away. The Brady Bunch grew up, the kid from Two and a Half Men is now a teen-ager, Eddie from The Courtship of Eddie’s Father quickly grew older. The bane of shows that have kid stars is they get older quickly. But, Bart Simpson will always be 10 years old.

Mommybloggers have fallen into this trap because many of them build their audiences around themselves, their personal brand. They are in the minds of their audience, always a mom with kids of “a certain age.” But, while they tend to attract new moms, they themselves are getting older and their kids along with them. Yet, they are looked to for the same advice they were giving when they were struggling through new parenthood.

And many of these mommybloggers will not grow out of that “phase” because it took too much time, too much energy, too much of everything to get to where they are and they will hang on. To their audience, they will always be the mommy.

But they aren’t. They are older, their kids no longer need them to be “mommy.” And this will tear their world apart because they have built a solid brand around being “mommy.”

Obama uses a MacBook Pro?

What Obama's first day photo should have looked like
What Obama's first day photo should have looked like

This photo appeared in the Wall Street Journal and the NY Times. Probably others. Thanks Pete Souza, Official White House Photographer. I’m not sure if we can use these photos. Do tax dollars pay for the official White House photographer? Pretty sure someone will slap my paw if I’m wrong. 😉

How we are all connected

Today, I heard from a long-time reader who emailed me just to let me know she was still reading and that she had been enjoying the blog ever since she first saw it.

Wow! Whenever I get an email like this, it is truly a humbling experience. Even though the DogWalkBlog gets lots of traffic, when a reader takes a few moments out of the day just to say she enjoys reading it touches. That is what blogging and Twittering and all this stuff is about; one touch, one moment.

I’m writing this immediately after looking at the pictorial spread in the Wall Street Journal. In a sea of 1.5 million people, photojournalists are able to pick out one genuine smile, one face full of hope and one little girl who gives her dad a “thumbs up” with an orange glove.

I aspire to be that lens. Always.

Why do we keep eating?

Why do we eat? The simple answer would be that if we did not eat, we would die. But that is not entirely true. Science can provide us with a pill we can take that would provide exactly the nutrition we need — no more, no less — to keep our bodies healthy. Yet, we resist the notion that a pill, taken three time a day, would replace daily meals.

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Round up all the web geeks and pelt them with pebbles

I just spent the last hour of my life fighting with some CSS that works perfectly in Safari and MESI 7.0, but not in MSIE 6.0 or the “standards compliant” Firefox whatever version it is now. Since I am working pre-coffee, pre-office hours from a laptop on my kitchen table, I don’t have the luxury of checking out the site on a MSIE 6.0 browser. All I have is a really badly worded description of the problem, sent in an email by a very late Boomer who is using a language all her own to describe the issue.

Let me start by explaining I am very, very good at CSS, HTML, PHP, Perl, MySQL, Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign and a whole host of stuff that has long been discontinued. I have been in the Internet and Web game since 1995 so I think it is fair to say I know what I am doing and have employed a pretty sizable library of fixes, kludges, hacks and plain ol’ cheats to make stuff work on a Web site. I can read, write and design. Don’t even start assuming I’m an idiot or unknowledgeable. You would be very, very wrong.

In some circles, I would be considered a geek. But in mine, I am a User Interface Designer. My job — some would say my obsession — is to make the interaction between the human and the machine seamless and intuitive. If training is needed, the system is too complicated. At least that is the ideal.

I have lost more time, brain cells and sleep to the hubris of geeks than any other tech-related issue. I am convinced the only reason that we have browser discrepancies with CSS, HTML, etc is because the geeks were in charge and they did not have the skills to play nice with each other or anybody else. They looked down at the user because they weren’t as smart, because they didn’t get it. And, they looked down at each other because each one was more right than his peer.

What if each company making street lights decided on a different order of the red-yellow-green? Of, decided that the colors were way too boring and decided purple-pink-magenta would be better. Or, what if they decided that light were just not good and they used coo-coo clock birdies instead? And imagine if a different signal was installed on each street corner. But, the wrinkle is that each user was able to choose which signal he/she liked best for that day, for that corner? What a mess!

So, now we have this mess of browser technologies that don’t play well with each other. For every hour I have to spend on the phone or email, explaining why MSIE 6.0 is a piece of crap, I would like to invoice Microsoft. And, in all fairness, Microsoft should take that invoice payment out of the paychecks of any geek who decided that their way was better. Let them live with the consequences of the mess their hubris created. Apple and Mozilla, you’re not off the hook either.

I expect the geeks to either ignore this post or defend their position. I really don’t give a crap which they do because today, I woke up as a fully frustrated user who doesn’t care to hear another excuse about why your way is better. I am no longer a developer; I will be a user first. If I have to fight with it, I ain’t gonna use your technology.

Standards are good. Community-agreed conventions keep use from wasting time. Pay attention to the user, geeks and peek out from your self-induced world every once in a while.

And quit going to geek conventions where everyone validates your opinion about the user. They’re wrong; we’re not stupid. We just have lives where technology is a tool, not an ends.