The complete and authoritative guide to social media

Social Media Icons

My buddy Neil Hedley wrote a blog post yesterday that I just had to comment on. That comment turned into a blog post for me. (yay!)

This came on the heels of a post by Bonnie Stewart on about Klout. And here on her blog earlier. Neil Kramer penned this little rant today and Saxon Henry threw this out for discussion on her weekly salon last month.

It occurred to me that perhaps the online community needed a dog to strap up and take the lead position in this runaway social media sled, so here goes. The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Social Media.*

Your Blog: This is where you live. This is yours, all yours. This is home. EVERYTHING happens here. You own it. Start here; end here.

Twitter: Random crap that pops into your brain during the day. A place to huck your stuff (like blog posts, new books, other writers’ new books, shout out to friends who got mentioned in the press.. except in the police blotter.. leave that out 🙂 )

Facebook: Ugh. Post as little as possible, push to blog, Comment rarely, never more than 2 responses deep. NEVER engage in an argument there.. ever.

LinkedIn: Only post what you want people with money to see. Only reply to posts in groups to establish your authority on a subject.

YouTube: Only to host your videos so you can embed them on your blog. Don’t spend any time customizing your “channel” and never, never care about comments there. Never.

Google Plus: Post for the purpose of smashing keywords into the Google search engine. Push folks to your blog. Comment rarely. No social goal, only SEO/SEM.

Foursquare: Check in if you have B2C clients or sponsors; need an alibi for the police; want to annoy your son who is a chef by checking into chain restaurants.

That’s it. You need nothing more social than that and probably never will. Ignore any other advice you get about social media.

For every other connection that is worth a damn, use the phone or email.

Would a dog lie to you?

*Not responsible for a drop in revenues, self-esteem or any other “in real life” assets you foolishly attached to any of your social media identities. If you ever want to know what is real, take your dog for a walk. Nothing else matters.

8 Replies to “The complete and authoritative guide to social media”

  1. I agree with it all, except Facebook. But, I’m too tired to explain why. And, it doesn’t really matter. I’m exhausted from 17 hours of inner social media contempt.

  2. Facebook for me is a middle man to get my crap pushed into the Google engine. The only people who want to engage me there are old people who claim they went to high school with me and so-called adults who never got beyond middle school emotionally. You have to be insane to connect with family on that dirty-laudry wind machine! Nope, I stand by my assertion: post as little as possible on Facebook. Your defense attorney will thank you eventually 🙂

  3. Haha!

    I have a lady in my chemistry class that works for the district attorney’s office. She said they have put a lot of people away with Facebook data. She refuses to use it.

    Great advice on everything pointing to a web presence. I’m shocked at how many people point to a facebook page on their twitter profile. I don’t get it.

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