You wish you were Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen as he appears on the twitter

Admit it. You wish you were Charlie Sheen.

While you are shaking your head violently from side to side and stomping up and down disagreeing with me, just hear me out for a few seconds. Then you can go back to your ranting about why I am wrong, why Charlie is melting down, how he is bad for his kids, why he is anti-Semetic, a bad role model or any of the other pat sound bites the media are flinging around.

Ready? This stuff could be a bit deep. Or deep in it. I’m sure you’ll decide for yourself. **

Charlie admits his humanity. All of it. He says the “crazy” we think in our minds and acts on it.

Only this stuff isn’t so nutty. He is magic. He is a big star. He was born small and now he is huge. He has navigated the shark-infested waters of the entertainment industry and is smarter than most of the people he has come up against. He is special. He has a natural gift of poise and conversation. He got 1.2 million followers on Twitter before you even got out of bed this morning.

And he is not saying hateful things. He is just saying really, really brutally honest stuff. If we tag it as crazy then we can all feel better about ourselves. If we say he is crazy, we don’t have to deal with why we’re not living up to our potential. And if we go even further and start tearing him down, we’re morally superior.

He is getting away with all of this because he is operating within the bounds of the human condition. He knows down deep inside — way, way, way down deep inside of each of us — is a Charlie Sheen Dream that has been smashed down by years of following the rules and believing what others tell us about our inadequacies. There is always tomorrow. Next time. The next relationship.

Will you embrace your inner Charlie? Yeah, me neither. It’s too bright and scary out there.

You may now resume your lives. Or drop a comment below. Or unfollow me on twitter. Or unsubscribe from this blog. Whatever fills the ignored hole in your soul.

** But I’m betting you won’t.

I was not going to write anything about Charlie Sheen. But then I got to thinking that Martin Sheen, his father, was born and raised in Dayton, Ohio. By extension, we invented Charlie. So naturally — as is our way here — we needed to claim the good things this invention brings to the collection of humanity. Just like we do the Wright Brothers, we plant a flag in anything that gets famous and claim it for our own.


13 Replies to “You wish you were Charlie Sheen”

  1. Why has no one in the mainstream media adopted this point of view? I’m all about embracing my inner nut-case(and rest assured… he’s in there). In the South though, brutally honest isn’t looked at as crazy, you just keep your less glowing actions and opinions in the closet(where they belong. Ha!).

    I think there is a time and a place for everything… Sad part to me is that Charlie Sheen is the new Michael Jackson(both villain and hero)- next time he’s the top story on the news it’ll probably be because he’s dead.

  2. You know I love you, Rufus, but I’m not sure I agree with you on this one. I mean, sure, we’d probably all like the freedom to let our ids run more freely. But I think you’re leaving out an important part of the equation, and that’s the question of what matters to any one person. See, I don’t care about having 1.2 million Twitter followers (now, yes, you could dig deeper, as dogs are wont to do, and say, “But wouldn’t you like to be so successful in your field that it might translate to 1.2 million followers?” to which I might say, “Lay it one me, but only if my followers are there because of the work I put out, and not because I’m a prime example of everyone’s worst impulses run amok.” I don’t need the freedom to smash things and get away with it. I really don’t. Freedom to make mistakes and be forgiven/accepted? Yes, we all need that. The right to decide what lifestyle works for me, and then to live by it? Yes. But to be famous, to get attention more than anything else for being kind of an asshole? No thanks.

  3. I completely disagree. Charlie Sheen is sick. He is a drug addict. Those crazy thoughts are not coming from his inner crazy–they are coming from chemically crazy. A man with a history of drug abuse does not “cure himself with his brain”, or get fired by his publicist and employer in the same week. There is nothing admirable about his actions.

  4. Because it is painful to admit. I don’t mean to equate Charlie Sheen with what is happening in Wisconsin, but the reasoning is about the same. Public union employees are only ENTITLED to what their private industry counterparts are getting. What?? When did the bottom become the standard? I think the same thing is happening with Charlie: he says grandiose things, he admits his successes and he is vilified for it. He is only ENTITLED to a life limited by the most an average person gets. Why? I just think there is a whole lot more going on here than what the media are fixated on, but telling everyone they are aiming too low doesn’t sell air or print.

    And in my area, we call the avoidance of brutal honesty “Minnesota Nice.” πŸ™‚

  5. That may be possible. I just know that I have been chemical-free for just shy of five decades and I have these same “crazy” thoughts. I don’t act on a lot of them and I sure as heck don’t go blurting out stuff like that in public. But now that my kids are adults and some well-meaning other parent can’t report me for being a whack job, maybe I’ll start “winning” a bit more.

    Is it wrong that I admit that? Probably and I’m almost certain this blog will be used against me at my sanity hearing when my heirs strive to declare me unfit enough to manage my own affairs just to get their grubby paws on my vast fortune sooner…. oh, crap… now I just gone too far…

    Strike all that.

  6. One man’s ‘brutally honest’ is another man’s ‘hateful’. A murderer could conceivably operate within the bounds of the human condition but that doesn’t mean I aspire to be a murderer. No, I am quite happy I am not Charlie Sheen. Truly happy. He is angry, troubled, and some might say deranged. He has the right to free speech, but facing those with whom he is most upset personally and not via the world media might have been more productive. Face it — he loves the publicity. And he has now lost his kids because of it. The news media is on a feeding frenzy because in this twisted society of ours people actually enjoy watching someone else’s misery. Rather sad, I think. It would be so refreshing to see his dad (who is a fine actor and an outspoken activist) take him under his wing, nurture him and model for Charlie that real men aren’t vile and don’t spew in public. I consider Charlie the Half in Two and a Half Men.

  7. As long as you have a little bit of doubt on whether or not you agree, I’ll accept that as an invitation to at least consider my opinion as not entirely wrong. Charlie Sheen is an exceptional actor and no amount of “crazy” can take that away from him. I was a fan way before he was infamous and I really don’t care about all that other stuff.

    We all have impulses and have done things from a place of obsession that we are later embarrassed about. Ok, I have. But in retrospect, I’m not sure I should be embarrassed (no, not going to tell you…) The impulses are this big thing we call humanity, for better or worse. What ticks people off most about Charlie is he is willing to accept that he has impulses he has acted on, he is not embarrassed or contrite but appears also to learn — albeit slower than is healthy — that doing this thing excessively may not lead to the “plan.” How common is it do you think people throw dishes at each other? I’ll bet more than we’ll ever know…. All sorts of everyday people do crazy things in their homes that never draw the attention of the media or the police….

    I can’t speak for anyone else but me; I am a fan of his work, not his lifestyle. He is on twitter now and I’m following for that reason… well, 80%.. the 20% to accomplish my goals. I’m just exploring why people feel so passionate about Charlie Sheen. I think maybe this post and the resulting comments get closer than the media crap ever could.

  8. I don’t have a shadow of doubt that Charlie Sheen picked up the phone or said the same things in person that he is saying in public. He lost his kids because of some social norms, not because he is crazy, deranged or dangerous. Anyone who has gone through any sot of child custody can deduce that and he should have known at least that much. But I think he was resigned to that inevitability anyway… it was just a matter of time.

    Charlie is 44 years old. As someone who is slightly older than he but not by much… (really πŸ™‚ ) I identify with his statement that he does not need to be treated like a 12 year-old boy. I’m puzzled as to why folks feel Martin Sheen should have that role… I was just asking MY adult son if anyone in my life has ever seen me as having a “dad” and he said no. He thinks society as a whole is failing to see men in favor of seeing males as boys. When they misbehave, their parents — regardless of how old — have an obligation to get involved.

  9. Charlie is special, but not in exactly the way you portray, IMO.

    He’s special because he was born to privilege and actually believes he’s more worthy than other people — a belief that’s been held up by a society that caters to Hollywood royal families and idolizes money and ego, even while out of the other side of their mouths they espouse other ideals.

    He’s special because he can fuck our daughters and we’re all like — wow, go man, go.

    He’s special because he can take the drugs and have the lowliest lifestyle possible and the consequences are few. And when there are consequences and some authority figure tells him “no”, he can blow up into a tantrum and get on all the news stations and get 1.5 million people invested in his story.

    He’s special because he can be a total asshole and people will say “Oh poor Charlie, he’s ill”. And when the asshole bit becomes too much, he can claim rehab or some other bright epiphany and people will surround him with sympathy and support.

    He’s special because he has all the resources in the world & doesn’t use any of them to actually become a better human being, while the poorest of the poor are raked across the coals for not being (strong, self-sufficient, smart) enough to handle their own problems.

    He’s special because while we all know damn well that if he were the crazy guy living next door, not one of us would invite him over or find him “charming”. We’d hide our kids, our drugs, and our daughters. But since it’s Charlie-fucking-Sheen we’ll invite him into our living rooms because he’s Somebody and we’re not….and yes, we really want to be even though if asked we’ll say completely idiotic things like Oh See? Money really doesn’t buy happiness.

  10. Absolutely, without a doubt our culture worships celebrity far beyond what is healthy but it may be because most of us live our lives with that voice inside our head that starts everything with “Thou shalt not…” or “What would the neighbors think…”

    Charlie is just living life off the leash! Whenever I get the urge to run free off a leash, some self-appointed idiot who feels powerless in his own life yells at me to “git that dog on a leash.”

    “Who the hell do you think you are? Do you know who I am? I’m Charlie – Effing – Sheen and I’m not putting on a leash!” I scream in my head as I meekly clip on the leash and silently, angrily plot his violent death….

  11. Alot of people have got the wrong idea about Charlie Sheen. Ever since he has been in full support of the 9/11 victims and have been on interviews with questions to the president about the unanswered questions concerning 9/11, and his appearance on the Alex Jones show it’s been hell for him. They use things they know about him and continually try blackmail him as a means to ruin his image. They don’t want someone famous taking a stand because they have too much of an influence on the people. The same things happened to Michael Jackson, Tupac, DMX and others. I support what he is doing but he must be careful, I wouldn’t be surprised he get’s in a freak accident and dies…

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